


is this a sacrifice?

by deadlikemoi



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Breeding Kink, Christian college AU, Cunnilingus, Daddy Kink, Discussion of Pregnancy, F/M, Kylo has a Rey kink, Lenten Bettin', Rey gets bossy, Rey is a bit of a heathen, Semi-virginal Rey, Skype Sex, Some religious aspects, Star Wars: The Sexual Awakening, Vaginal Sex, We've arrived at smut, accent kink, college student rey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2020-01-16 05:04:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18514465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadlikemoi/pseuds/deadlikemoi
Summary: "What are you giving up for Lent?" The question is posed to Rey by a friend of Rose's, a girl who goes by KK, and Rey has to search her mind for an answer.That is the problem with going to a University that is religiously affiliated; most people assume that you follow that same tenet without bothering to ask, and it has gotten her into trouble more than a few times."Rey's not—" Finn tries to save her, it is a valiant effort, but the filter between her mouth and her brain is undergoing routine maintenance and a few words squeak through before she can stop herself."Sex. I'm giving up sex for Lent."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kylosgirl9593](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kylosgirl9593/gifts).



> Allison's prompt was:  
> A/B/O, Daddy Kink, Pregnancy Kink, Virgin Reylo, Angst
> 
> I'm going to see how many I can add in chapter by chapter. 
> 
> Thank you for the chance to write this! I hope you enjoy ❤️
> 
> There's nothing extremely religious here, but I added these tags to hopefully avoid offending anyone.

"What are you giving up for Lent?" The question is posed to Rey by a friend of Rose's, a girl who goes by KK, and Rey has to search her mind for an answer. 

That is the problem with going to a University that is religiously affiliated; most people assume that you follow that same tenet without bothering to ask, and it has gotten her into trouble more than a few times. 

"Rey's not—" Finn tries to save her, it is a valiant effort, but the filter between her mouth and her brain is undergoing routine maintenance and a few words squeak through before she can stop herself. 

"Sex. I'm giving up sex for Lent." 

It is the absolute wrong thing to say, but the area around her is littered with land mines so she was bound to fall on at least one of them. Her luck isn't that good. 

A few of the young men and women simply stare at her with looks of surprise mingled with shock, but Rose giggles after a beat of silence. "Rey, you need to be _having_ sex to give it up." 

It isn't that Rey doesn't like sex, that's not it at all. She likes it a lot, with herself, but her record with other people is rather lackluster. If anything, she has much more success with herself, but she'd never tell anyone that. 

Whether it hurts more to hear the laughter of her friends or the scandalized looks of her acquaintances she can't say, but most of her lunch is uneaten when she walks off for class. 

Later that night, she finds Finn sitting in the hallway of her apartment building, waiting with his back against her door, and he removes the airpods when he sees her walking up. 

"Is this so I can't sneak in without talking to you?" 

He sighs in a way that tells her the joke didn't quite land. "You know she didn't mean anything by it, Rey." 

Rose and Finn have gone on a few dates and Rey has tried to pull the other woman into their friendship, but she continues to feel like Rose is more jealous of her relationship with Finn than anything else. 

"Do you know that, Finn?" He finally sets his phone down and gives her his full attention, "Because I'm not so sure I do."

After a few breaths, he gets to his feet and shows her the text conversation between himself and Rose from maybe twenty minutes ago.

"See? I know you think she's jealous, and I am not saying you're wrong, but she's upset that she might've hurt you with what she said." Her eyes roam over the few lines of correspondence she is shown and she unlocks her door without another word.

"Coming in?"

*

Finn orders pizza for the two of them by way of an apology and by the time he leaves that night, she is most of the way to forgiving them both. 

"Consider letting this one go, please." He kisses her cheek and takes a pull of her ponytail on his way out, ever the brother figure in her life. 

Things have always been good with her and Finn; for as long as she's known him, she's never had to wonder where his heart is. The days of wondering whether he has feelings for her are over and she is thankful that the strain from that is gone. Rose has been great for Finn and she can't imagine anyone else making him so happy. Maybe she's the one who is jealous because she can't be all things for him. 

It is three days later, at dinner this time, where they get down to the next level of friendship. 

"What if we bet on whether or not people will keep up with what they've agreed to give up during Lent?" KK looks around at everyone as they inhale the large pepperoni pizza they ordered from an actual restaurant. 

"So what," Finn coughs and drinks enough water to clear out his airway, "we're betting against each other?" 

Everyone nods along except for Rey who follows this train of thought all the way down. "Everyone will need to have access to the bets should we see someone breaking the rules." There is general agreement to that as well, and Rose unfolds a large white napkins and begins to write it all out.

In the end, it all comes out to look like a table which Rose and Finn promise to type up and send to everyone sitting there tonight.

Some are simple, Rose gave up soda and we bet she will have one can by the end of the week, while others are more involved and require extreme participation by at least one other person. 

Rey's falls into the latter category. She agrees to download a few dating/hookup apps because why not, right? 

Everyone seems know that she will win this whole thing unless they dangle something delectable in front of her face. 

The likelihood of her finding a match that she wants to end her drought with is slim. One of the ways people will make sure she's keeping up with her end is with a daily check of her phone to see that the apps are still there. All in all, a simple way to earn some money if everyone else breaks theirs first. 

Rey waits until she is back home to download all that trash and set up the accounts she'll need. A few swipes through tells her people are so serious about these things so she quickly snaps a few ridiculous selfies and uses those as her account photos, hoping that her crossed eyes and bared teeth will keep most of the loons away. 

The first match is a with a guy she has Public Speaking with, and Rey knows full well he isn't her type. 

Does she have a type though? 

Her mind is most of the way to no when a picture of an extremely broad chest and expansive shoulders and a ridiculously fit abdomen catches her attention. 

Her breath stutters out of her throat as she hesitates with her finger lingering just over the screen. 

She can't quite name what it is that she's feeling, but the small voice inside her says _go_ , and it is only seconds after she swipes that the match pops up.

Kylo Ren.

While she has never met another girl named Rey, hers at least exists in some iteration. Kylo isn't a name she's ever heard even once in her life. It sounds to her like the nickname of a guy who spends a lot of time in a dungeon, but he clearly spends a fair amount of time in the gym too.

She is still turning it around in her mind when her phone vibrates, the alert menu activates at the top, showing an incoming message in the chat feature of the app.

>   
> 
> 
> Kylo: Hey  
>  Kylo: I had to laugh at your photos  
>  Kylo: Is your face stuck like that?

  
She takes a deep breath, then two, then three. This is a friendly conversation, no dick pic attached. She can give this a chance. Sure. Why not?

>   
> 
> 
> Rey: Yes, it's been like that since I was struck by lightning a year ago  
>  Rey: Real, real sad

  
From there, she can't seem to keep herself from talking to him. She did what she'd promised, she downloaded the app and is actively talking to multiple men, though only one is able to keep her attention.

Poe Dameron, Snap Wexley, Armitage Hux; all of them try, but it is abundantly clear that every message they send is an attempt to get her into bed. Even with a dry spell as long as hers — two years, but who's counting? — she wouldn't sleep with just any guy. 

While they don't talk all day or even each day, their correspondence is enough that she starts to feel like she knows the guy on the other end of the line. 

More than once she has to talk herself down, she has watched too many episodes of Catfish on MTV to be this ridiculous already. 

Nev and Max would be ashamed. 

She is absorbed on her phone, waiting in line at the campus coffee shop, when Rose sneaks up on her in a completely ridiculous manner with her clomping clogs, and nearly scares Rey half to death. 

Her first instinct is to immediately close out of the app, hide her phone, keep this for only herself, but the bet requires oversight from her friends as a guarantee that she's sticking to the rules. 

"What's up? You alright?" She hesitates in responding, but Finn's voice echoes around in her ear _let this one go_ and so she opens his profile and shares it with Rose. 

"I'm talking to this guy," she can't look at Rose's face because she knows she'll be destroyed if there's anything other than happiness there, "And it's been going great so far. A little too great, you know? I'm starting to wonder if he has a unibrow or enormous ears or a bad haircut." 

The thing about dating and hookup apps is that you get the side of someone that they want you to see. She knows that, of course she does, especially when she's asked to share a picture of his face. 

"Err— I haven't actually seen one yet." 

Rose doesn't respond immediately, seeming to think about how best to word the thoughts jumbled around in her head, and Rey prepares herself for the onslaught. 

"Rey, how do you— that's not to say— Look. Um. I think it's great you're talking to someone, but I'm worried that you don't really know who this guy is. What if it's your advisor or the creepy guy who hangs out by the women's bathroom?" 

Everything she's saying makes complete and total sense, and for a few minutes, Rey simply thinks over a way to make sure she hasn't spent days talking to a creepy guy who watches women come and go from the public restroom. "You're right, Rose. I guess that leaves only one thing to do."

Without letting the dread form a knot in her stomach, she opens the app and quickly types out a message.

>   
> 
> 
> Rey: It's probably time for you to send me a picture of your face so I can make sure you're not the guy who was hiding underneath my window.

  
The three dots appear after maybe thirty seconds, indicating that he is typing at least a few words, though they stop and start enough that she starts to chew on her bottom lip in worry. Agreement never takes so long to type out.

>   
> 
> 
> Kylo: I can't believe you caught me  
>  Kylo: I'm losing my touch  
>  Kylo: But I will absolutely send you one when I'm not covered in sweat

  
Rose is bouncing on the balls of her feet and looks like she might fall over if a gust of strong wind was to come through the door.

"Say you want a picture of that, "Rose whispers conspiratorially. 

"His chest is his default picture, you know." 

"Yes, but you need to see the whole package. For verification purposes. To make sure he isn't photoshopping himself into pictures like a Kardashian."

"That's true, I do."

>   
> 
> 
> Rey: I wouldn't mind a picture of that.
> 
> Kylo: Wouldn't mind or would like?

  
"Dear god, Rey. If you don't take him up on the offer then I will."

She laughs into her phone and inadvertently sends him a garble of key-smash instead of an actual answer. "Oh, shit."

>   
> 
> 
> Rey: Was that clear enough for you?

  
He doesn't answer right away and by the time he does, they are sitting down at one of the high top tables where Rey is sure she will fall to a quick and painless death after opening the photo.

He wasn't lying when he said he was covered in sweat; there is a sheen covering his naked upper body and her eyes pause on his face to take in all his features and the hair that hangs around them. Even if this isn't his best likeness, she doesn't care. Whatever her mind made up about him prior to this moment, it is all forgotten in the blink of an eye. Gone is the blond haired and blue eyed Skarsgard lookalike. Instead, she is looking into the soft, dark brown eyes of a man no one can compare to. 

"Holy shit," Rose breathes loudly through her nose, the hot air ghosting over Rey's neck and shoulder, but she is immovable. 

Rey can only nod in response as words fail her for minutes at a time while her brain is still considering the fact that she's been talking to this Adonis for days now without knowing how gorgeous he is.

>   
> 
> 
> Rey: You've got to be fucking kidding me  
>  Rey: Why is your default a picture of your chest when you look this good  
>  Rey: That is not to say that I don't appreciate your chest because I do have working eyes  
>  Rey: But fuck, Kylo, it seems a little unfair that you've been hiding all that
> 
> Kylo: Can I get a good picture of you, then?
> 
> Rey: I don't take pictures like that
> 
> Kylo: Fair enough. How about one where your eyes aren't crossed and your finger isn't up your nose?
> 
> Rey: You've figured me out, haven't you?
> 
> Kylo: Just barely.

  
Rose is tugging on the hem of her sweatshirt, whining at a pitch that shouldn't be audible for most humans, when she agrees and hands over her phone. She won't take anything risqué, but there's nothing wrong with her allowing her new friend to snap a shot when she is so constantly over critical of herself.

"Put some of your hair on your shoulder... Good, good, now smile. An actual smile, Rey. You look like I'm trying to sell you on the black market. Smile with your eyes... There!" The audible click of the phone camera tells her that Rose is taking as many as she can before Rey wrestles her phone back and takes a look at the final product. 

It looks like she is about to sneeze in one, there's an odd glare from the windows in another, but the last one looks... alright. 

It's good enough. 

Without allowing herself to change her mind, that photo is quickly sent through the app and she hits the home button and turns off her screen to avoid seeing any response he might make. Rose has caught it all, though, because even though they've only known each other for a short time, she understands Rey like no one else ever has. 

Finn might pretend he does, but he's not a girl and there is so much that comes with that. 

Her phone starts to vibrate, dancing around the tabletop before she hands it over, too unsure of herself to look and see the words she knows will be there. Instead, she pressed her thumb to the home button to unlock the screen and lets Rose view his response first. 

" _Oh."_

It is nearly impossible to decipher what is happening on Rose's face and every possibility runs through her mind in the blink of an eye. "Oh? Oh?! What does that mean?!" 

Before she can get too far down the rabbit hole with desperation beating at her back, the phone is shoved into her face and she blinks a few times to take in the letters and words formed by them. 

"He said—"

"He said you're gorgeous!"

"Gorgeous? That can't be true." Rey isn't willing to believe the written words or the spoken words either. 

"You are, and Kylo agrees. My work here is done." And while shaking the imaginary dust from her hands, Rose blows Rey a kiss and hurries off to accost a few more people before the day is over. 

*

Real life catches up to Rey much faster than she anticipated. Her cellphone is one of those pay as you go options that serves its purpose well enough until she met Kylo and then she is quickly running through all her minutes and data. 

Both of her jobs, one as a desk attendant in the dorm and the other as a page in the library, barely provide enough for her to have just a little bit of spending money. 

Lunch on a rainy Wednesday finds her and Rose stuck together over the latter's cellphone where they are trying to explain Rey's absence to the radio silence on Kylo's side.

>   
> 
> 
> Rey: I'm so sorry I haven't been around  
>  Rey: I ran out of minutes so please thank my friend Rose for letting me borrow her phone

  
"Aww, you're welcome." Finn gives the two women a funny look, but goes back to his meatloaf after barely a few seconds of stopping for air before he's shoveling more into his face.

Thankfully, Kylo doesn't make her wait long for a response.

>   
> 
> 
> Kylo: What happened to your phone?
> 
> Rey: It still works but I'm out of data  
>  Rey: So I got creative  
>  Rey: But what have you been up to aside from driving the entire female population of the city crazy?
> 
> Kylo: Rey  
>  Kylo: Why didn't you say anything?
> 
> Rey: What was there to say?

  
"I knew he'd say that."

"Shh, Rose!"

"What are you two up to?" Like deer caught in the headlights of a tractor trailer, both Rey and Rose look at each other before turning to him. Surprise turns into smiles and he stares at them for a beat too long. 

"Us? We're not up to anything. Scout's honor." Rose holds her hand up with what she _thinks_ is the correct hand signal. 

Finn barks out a laugh and manages to somehow keep all the food he's chewed inside his mouth and not all over the table and them. "Babe, that's the signal from _The Hunger Games_." 

Rose falls into her own laughter spell, causing Rey to almost fall out of her chair under Rose's weight on her shoulder, and she pushes her onto Finn's shoulder on her other side. 

"I have... class. I'll see you guys tonight?" Both nod and KK even waves as she trudges off to the library. The day has been weird and she needs a little bit of time to herself. 

*

The next day Rey finds a package slip in her mailbox which means she has to walk two blocks to the campus mailroom to pick up something that was most likely put in the wrong slot instead of the one next to hers. 

What she is handed, though, is a heavy box that she doesn't recall ordering, but it is addressed to her without a return address. 

Holding the padded envelope up to her ear, she gives it a few shakes to see if it's a bomb or any item she can easily break. Few fragile items last very long in her hands even if she is gifted at putting things back together. 

It takes every single ounce of willpower to avoid tearing into the envelope and then the box right there on the street, but by the grace of God she is able to wait until she steps just over the threshold of her apartment. 

The box that slides into her hand puzzles her more than anything. It's an iPhone. A black iPhone XR, according to the box that is still shrink wrapped. 

This has to be a mistake. 

There is no option other than that. 

A small strip of white paper catches her eye as she moves to take a seat on her bed and when she reads one particular word, her heart nearly stops. 

Kylo. 

This is from Kylo. 

Somehow he knew about the cellphone she found under the stairs in the library and though this man owes her absolutely nothing, he spent what must be almost a thousand dollars on this bright and shiny new phone. 

They don't know each other. 

This is clearly too much, but she has no way to send it back. 

How can she accept this?

**Rey,  
** **I know you don't like to ask for help, but I can give it without your permission. Please use this and send me pictures of your beautiful face with the high resolution camera. Or more.**  
**-Kylo**

Rey spends almost thirty minutes tracing point A to point B, trying to figure out how on earth Kylo could know even just a few details without at least one person telling him. 

But someone could have told him. 

Someone who has Tinder on their phone. 

The same someone who let Rey sign in to the app to speak to Kylo. 

Her mind keep skittering between Kylo and Rose before she remembers that she neglected to close out of the app when she left lunch the other day. 

It takes less than ten minutes to boot up the new phone and add in the one contact she needs to speak with immediately. 

Rose tries to dance around the subject after the little back and forth about who this is because of course a new phone has a new phone number. 

Try as she might, Rey simply can't be mad at Rose. 

Upset? Yes. 

Annoyed? Absolutely. 

"Rey," Rose's voice is tinged with frustration, as if she is annoyed that she needs to explain this yet again, "the guy _wants_ to talk to you so I gave him the chance to get as much of you as he possibly can." 

Of course this makes sense to her, but a part of Rey—and perhaps a bigger one than she might like to admit—believes her friend. 

It takes a moment to get to the end of the line where she realizes that she and Rose are officially friends now. She makes a mental note to share this with Finn as soon as possible.

"Fiiiine." 

Her whining is enough to annoy herself, so she wishes Rose a good night to start the long task of backing up her old phone and installing everything to this beautiful new brick from a man who makes her more aware of her sexual awakening than she'd like to admit. 

The last thing she does, as if she knows he is on the other side waiting to see the little bubble next to her name turn from grey to green, is download all those applications the Lent bet brought into her life. 

Her bottom lip is chewed to near bruising while her stomach turns over again and again. 

Staring at the cursor blink on the sign in page, Rey is plagued with her own wandering thoughts. She is sure she knows what he wants, what every man wants from a woman, but what does she want? Is it something he can give her? Is it even possible?

There has never been a need to list out her expectations before. Men always took and took until there was nothing left to give, and she sat in the wreckage, trying to form all the shrapnel into something new. 

Perhaps it is stupid or naive or utterly ridiculous to expect that a man she has spent barely three weeks speaking to over text messages can deserve more of her, but there is a kernel of truth deep inside that yearns for a piece of him. 

Even if it is only a part of his electronic life, it could be enough for her. 

Everything is safer if Kylo Ren remains an online presence, a non-corporal being, that isn't allowed to become a part of her life except when she wants, when she says. 

If Kylo continues to be a man she will never meet in person, this whole relationship is in her hands only.

Once everything is to her liking, Rey finally signs back into Tinder and sees new messages from other random guys before she notices anything from Kylo. 

Dick pics, requests for nudes, meet up suggestions, and so many other things that drive her blood pressure up to new heights.

>   
> 
> 
> Kylo: I take it you're angry.

  
She is laughing before she even recognizes the sound. Of course he would part the douche bags like he is parting the Red Sea.

>   
> 
> 
> Kylo: Look, I messaged Rose thinking she was you and she explained  
>  Kylo: You're in college so money is tight  
>  Kylo: I'm a successful professional, so I have money to throw around  
>  Kylo: Let me do this, Rey

  
Minutes pass by before she can think of a response.

Before she can stop herself, her fingers are flying across the nearly impeccably clear screen.

>   
> 
> 
> Rey: I don't understand why you'd want to, though
> 
> Kylo: Do you know how often I get asked what my dick looks like or if I'll send a picture of it before anyone takes the time to read the four letters of my name?  
>  Kylo: I can't say that I haven't used this app for it's intended use before  
>  Kylo: I have  
>  Kylo: But it feels good that I'm helping you
> 
> Rey: Are you sure you're not trying to be my sugar daddy?
> 
> Kylo: Fuck  
>  Kylo: Rose said you're british so I bet you're so sexy when you call me daddy  
>  Kylo: I don't have enough disposable income for exactly that, but think about it  
>  Kylo: Please 

  
The app is quickly shuttered as she fidgets in her seat for a minute. This is new. A guy who wants to take care of her.

A grown man, with all or most of his wits about him, is willingly doing something for her with no expectations for a reward.

The connections in her brain can't quite get the thought all the way through her mind. Surely she is missing some large piece that makes this make sense. Right? 

Men have ulterior motives, always. 

The line is ringing and the sound of static fills her ear as she waits for Rose to answer her second call of the night. 

"Rey?" Her breath is coming faster than usual, but Rey keeps her mind from running away with the possible causes. Focus. There is a purpose to this. 

"Do you have a moment? I have a question." 

"Mhmmmm—" "What is it, Rey?" 

Finn's voice shocks her into a moment of silence. "Oh, um— Hey, Finn." 

She must be on speakerphone. This isn't necessarily information she would hide from him, but it just seems easier to ask another woman. Less tricky. 

"So, I was wondering... what's the limit of my bet? What would I need to do to lose?" 

Finn and Rose talk at the same time. "Why are you—" "Oh!" 

No more explanation is required as Rose has been with her through every step of this and she is sure she hears her whisper to Finn that she will explain later. 

"Let me consult my spreadsheet... Okay, so, we actually didn't fill in yours. Finn, close your ears." Rose hums for a second until she must lean in close to the phone and stage whispers to Rey, "Let's say you lose at penetration." 

Neither of them can keep it together after that. "There is no good reason for using 'penetration'," Rey scolds in a whisper as well, but Finn must have unplugged his ears as Rose laughs and he sputters in response. 

"Penetration?! What is going on?" 

Both of them giggle at his indignation. 

They've never been in this situation before—where Rey is the one with romantic aspirations—so she can't necessarily be shocked or surprised by his response. 

"I may have met a guy on Tinder." The sound of a hair slowly cascading to the floor would have been an explosion in the silence that follows her statement. 

"Really? Are you being smart?" Irritation rises up before she can channel it into something useful. 

"Finn. You know me. Don't you think I'm smart enough to manage myself?" 

If they were sitting face to face, she knows there would be a shameful look on his face right then. She doesn't need to see it to know what he is feeling. 

Apologies are shared and Rose adds in a few cheeky comments before the call disconnects. 

Rey's brain works in certain concrete ways when there's something she does not fully understand. Dwindling something down to its bare bones is the best way to get to the pulp of it. 

That is why she falls down the Google vortex of sugar daddies and sugar babies and like Kylo said, this isn't what he is looking for. She is thankful for that. It is impossible for her to depend on another person so much. Hard no.

All her life it has only been Rey. 

It was only recently that she let Finn in so far, still keeping certain things encased in her inner shell, but it is refreshing to give some parts fresh air. 

But urban dictionary explains to her all about daddy kink. Rey doesn't have a father, so the idea doesn't bother her like she thought it would. 

She isn't disgusted or grossed out or feeling anything at all, really. 

If anything, she can picture Kylo as the essence of all this in a suit and tie, telling her about discretionary spending and why she needs a retirement portfolio. 

What he does for a living, she doesn't know, but for some reason she envisions him in the most boring job possible and he takes out his annoyance at the gym and by fucking random women. 

He admitted to the latter explicitly. 

It was there, in their messages, but now the thought of another girl seeing Kylo makes her blood run cold. 

Why should she have to share?

>   
> 
> 
> Rey: How can you be serious about this though?  
>  Rey: You don't even know me
> 
> Kylo: Don't I?  
>  Kylo: It feels like I know you better than I know myself
> 
> Rey: Okay  
>  Rey: How does this work?  
>  Rey: Daddy


	2. Chapter 2

Each day moves slower than the one before once Rey decides to take the chance and pursue Kylo or allow him to pursue her. 

She's really not sure which is the truth or maybe it is better classified as a amalgamation of both. 

A normal day is classes and homework usually bookended by her two jobs, but now she finds herself being social on a regular basis. 

It turns out that being happy makes you want to be around other people more. Who knew? 

Only Finn and Rose know about Kylo; Finn spends so much time angrily eyeing every man that walks within a mile of Rey that she promises to share a photo with him the next chance she gets. 

But she can't yet. 

Some part of her wants to protect this tiny, bubbling sphere of lust and trust and affection from everyone else. 

It can't be real and it can't hurt if it's only hers. 

*

> Rey: Why do people think it's acceptable to make noise in a library?  
>  Rey: Some of us are here for a reason
> 
> Kylo: Should I come and kick some ass?  
>  Kylo: I'd make a good personal pit bull 
> 
> Rey: You'd end up in prison  
>  Rey: Then you'd be of no use to me, daddy

  
She is still not fully comfortable using the word, but it's getting easier each day and she's seen the proof of what it does for him. That's enough for her.

He calls her kitten, princess, or darling and simply seeing those words creates a thrumming of heat inside her body. 

Kylo has started to suggest that they sign off the Tinder app for good and take this connection to text messages and phone calls, to exchange phone numbers. 

The first time a call connects, she is so frozen with fear and anticipation that her lips won't move. 

"Rey?" His voice is like a whip cracked down across her spine. The line is still active so he must realize that she is on the other end, breathing, shaking, barely living. 

Her voice starts out as a croak, "H—hi." 

"There she is. Have you gone shy on me?"

Whatever it is that is holding her back, Rey can't seem to shake it. "Me? Never." 

His laugh is beautiful, and she packs each second of it away in the caverns of her memory. 

Her backbone finally snaps back into place. "Hi, daddy. Is this better?" 

She hears his breath hitch in his throat, imagines watching his adam's apple bob as he attempts to dry swallow nothing, and he rewards her with a deep " _fuck_ " that digs into her belly button and ventures down below. 

"Who did you sell your soul to to sound like that?" 

*

There are only weeks left of the semester and each day is one step closer to the end of Lent. The date is marked on the cat calendar hanging in her apartment. 

Kylo continues to be wonderful, but a little part of her is considering every way this could go wrong when they speak. 

More time is spent in the library, buried in books, than doing what she really wants to. 

If it weren't for him, she'd be unwashed, bleary eyed, and grouchy. It is thanks to his texts and calls that she remembers to eat anything during the day. 

There aren't enough hours in the day to read through all the chapters, write out detailed study guides, and remain a semi-normal person who talks to others and doesn't look like the bird man of Alcatraz.

A pile of books slam down onto the table so close to her face that she nearly rolls off her chair in surprise. "Jesus, Finn! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" 

The _shhh_ they receive from someone out of their line of sight is warranted. She would be angry if she wasn't the one whose heart is about to burst out of her chest. 

"You're a hard lady to track down." 

She rolls her eyes, petulant and slightly annoyed as she realizes how exhausted her body feels, "I've spent so much time here they should charge me rent." 

Most of the space on top of the table is taken up by books, binders, and notebooks, so he has to move a few things around to find room for himself. "Rose has been trying to get in touch with you." 

"Why didn't she—" Rey pulls her phone out of her bag from the chair next to her, only to frown when pressing the buttons on either side of the screen does absolutely nothing. "My phone is dead." 

"So you can see why I was sent to find you. The villagers are going crazy." 

It takes her too long to decide to return back to her apartment, but Finn is willing to walk with her and help carry her load. Being an engineer is all she ever wants in life, but the payload gets heavier with each step forward. 

The walk drains what is left of her energy and she bids Finn goodbye with a reassurance that she will consider going out with him and Rose later on. 

She may have already finished two projects, but there was still so such much left to do. 

Like she has done so many times before, she drops onto her full sized bed and plugs her phone into the lightning cable, drifts around the room to drink down two glasses of water and eat a slice of leftover pizza in three large bites before her phone powers back up, just enough of a charge in it to use while it's still plugged in.

It could've been dead for hours for all she knows. The number of text notifications and voicemails that pop up echo that. 

Most are from Kylo and she is pleased to see that he didn't venture into being overbearing. Instead, he is clearly worried and concerned when his messages go unanswered and he continues to not hear back from her for hours. 

  


She has never known a man like him. 

Rey usually likes to limit the number of times she does the initial reach out; it helps her to believe that she isn't one of those clingy girls who need to always be in contact with a guy to know how interested he is. 

Whatever this connection with him truly is, she fears his loss more than she could ever admit. 

After a deep breath, she stares at his contact page for a spell too long before touching the icon that begins dialing his number. 

"REY! Thank god. You have no idea how worried I was." The distinct sounds of office chatter are there for a few seconds and then it all fades away. 

"I'm so sorry. I never meant to make you worry. I was studying at the library and my phone died before I realized it. Where are you?" The words are out of her mouth before she can stop them, but she bites down on her tongue all the same. 

Stupid, stupid girl. 

All things considered, he doesn't seem displeased by the question. She can almost hear the grin start to lighten his face. "At work, still. I spent a lot of my day distracted by a certain young woman so I need to stay a little late tonight." 

"Hmm." His own smile is infectious and she catches sight of herself in the mirror over her desk, seeing a girl with happiness painted over her features. He makes her feel truly alive. "I think I owe you a bit of a reward, then, daddy. Would you like that?" 

A sharp intake of breath and then a moan that makes her feel far sexier than she thought possible meets her ear. 

She can make this grown man, this embodiment of everything she wants and desires, she can reduce him to nothing.

It is a power that knows no equal and if she's not careful, it will turn her into something evil. 

"Yes, princess. More than you could possibly know." His voice rocks her back to the present, a grounding force like nothing else, and she decides not to hesitate anymore. 

"I think I'm going to take a break for the rest of the night and go out with some friends. Why don't we try to chat via FaceTime when I get home?" 

"That sounds amazing. I plan to stop by the gym before I head home," she laughs a little, as if she would expect anything less from him, "so I'll text you once I'm finally in for the night." 

"Works for me. I'm gonna jump in the shower, daddy, but I'll see you later," Rey ends on a rather girly giggle that she didn't know she was capable of. 

"I wish I could see you through your shower first." 

"All in due time, daddy." 

Another groan and what sounds like his hand or maybe even his head smacking into something thick. "You're going to be the death of me." 

"That's half the fun. Bye, babe."

She quickly sends a text message off Finn before stepping into her en-suite bathroom, an agreement to meet up at the bar in an hour, and decides to go full tilt at this windmill. 

If she's going to video chat with Kylo later and possibly end up with very little clothing left on her body, she needs to make sure everything is just right. 

It ends up taking her more than an hour to shave, wash her body and hair, put on just enough makeup, and find something cute slash sexy to wear. Luckily for her, messy buns are in style so she doesn't have to worry about blow drying and doing any particular kind of styling to her hair. 

"This will do," she says as she gives her reflection a last once over, grabbing up her keys and phone as she heads for the door. 

Rose and Finn agree to meet her downstairs once it's clear she won't be on time and now that the sun is setting, she's glad to have the company. Living in this town hasn't exactly made her feel safe. 

It's both the devil that she knows and the devil that she doesn't. 

Rose whistles as she steps off the elevator, causing more than one head to turn in their direction when all Rey wants is to quietly run away and keep people from looking at her, but her friends enjoy watching her flush and grumble under her breath. 

The building she lives in isn't exactly high class. Most of the tenants are either college students on a limited budget, older individuals with few other options, or drug dealers who utilize the first two as patrons for their products. 

Rey is used to living in horrible conditions; group homes and foster care were microcosms where only a few people managed to make it out with their sanity and a bright point of view. 

One of the few good things about this place is that it's her. That and all the locks, including the deadbolt she installed herself, all work wonderfully. 

Finn may let her believe that she can take care of herself well enough, but she's happy to let him escort her around town once the sun has gone down. 

"Who are you trying to impress? I thought you had a guy." Finn isn't good at playing his cards too close to the vest, but it gives both she and Rose a good laugh. 

"Maybe I'm trying to impress you and Rose. Did you ever think of that?" Rey says with a sway in her step. 

Rose wraps her arm around Rey's waist, blowing her a kiss and batting her own dark eyelashes, "You're lucky you're so gorgeous. Though if it weren't for this guy I'd take you up on that." 

The bar is fairly quiet for a weeknight. There is a different kind of happy hour for every day of the week to make sure the money and the coeds keep coming in. 

If anything, she can be happy that there are even less people to avoid than usual because Rey makes friends wherever she goes. Always. 

A group of sorority girls is attempting to scream their way through a version of "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" that defies belief. Whatever they are going for, it is enough to make her cringe through full minutes of her life. 

"Alcohol, now. And preferably the strong stuff, if you please." Rose holds up a $20, but Finn shoos her away and struts up to the bar, conversing with the ginger haired bartender who pours out enough shots that Finn has to carry them all back on a tray to make sure they don't end up on the floor. 

"What's this?" Rose eyes the small glasses as particulates swim around the liquid. 

"Goldschlager."

"Ew! Why?" Rose and Rey share the same level of exasperation and disgust. Neither of them wants to clean up after that. Bits of gold take a lot of elbow grease to get out of the grout in one's bathroom. 

He allows no arguments as he sets three shot in front of each of them, telling them to each think of a word they will have to drink after hearing, as they are being treated to a rather lovely version of the _Men in Black_ theme song performed by an older gentleman in a fedora and monocle. 

"Got one?" Everyone is thumbs up and grins, waiting for the next taker to start their game, and Rey can't help but look at all the men and women and wonder why they're here, in this bar that can't seem to find its identity, on a rather clear Wednesday night. 

Rey is going with 'leather' for no reason other than it popped into her head first. It's only after the next song starts that she realizes this decision will keep her sober tonight. So much for a good time. 

Finn and Rose are down to one shot each when Rey drinks one only so she can say she imbibed something by the end of the night. Her tolerance is low, one beer here or there or a large glass of wine is all she can usually handle, so a shot zaps her straight through her nervous system. 

"I need this," she pleads, daring either of them to argue, and in the blink of an eye the rest of her share is gone.

Say what you will about schnapps, Rey licks her lips, enjoying the taste and chasing the last remnants of that cinnamon twinge. Her mind floats through the haze as it grows thicker and thicker. 

The cellphone in her pocket vibrates against her ass.

Ahh... Kylo.

Smiling feels a little funny on a face uncoordinated and sluggish. She steals Finn's last shot and drinks it down while he watches Rose pull a long strand of hair off her lipstick. 

"Rey! C'mon, man." 

"You bought us goldschlager so you must suffa—er, suff _er_." Giggles tumble out of her, fast and light, and they're starting to garner looks from the people still mostly sober around them. 

A group of impossibly tall men and a few attractive women gather around the bar, grabbing the attention of everyone else as they talk loudly and the men act like general bros, pushing at one another and one of them actually ruffles the hair of his friend. 

Rey accepts that it is her alcohol fueled mind playing games when she thinks she recognizes one of them. 

The biggest one whose suit is straining at every stitch, with hair so incredible she wants to run over and put her fingers through it—propriety be damed—and it's only her mind that makes him look like Kylo. 

Right?

Rose leans over and corroborates her own thoughts. "That guy over there looks like Kylo, doesn't he?" 

"Mhm," and the movement associated with nodding sloshes her brain around in a way that is too painful to be rational. She is not _that_ far gone yet. 

Rey and Rose sit pressed together, watching this play out in front of them, and Rey can't help but feel invested, desperately so.

Even if this bloke is some sort of extreme lookalike, part of her is burning to see him under the same roof, for Kylo to appear before her and take her into his arms. 

Finn tracks their eye-line to the topic of their interest. "What are you looking at? Do you know them?"

"Shh! Be _quiet!_ "

As they watch, a blonde, statuesque woman approaches and throws her arms around that man's neck. That man whose nose matches the line of Kylo's, whose slight frown is one she immediately recognizes. 

Fuck. 

It doesn't matter that he takes a large step back to put distance between them. 

It doesn't soothe her to watch him take out his phone and type out a quick message that dings on her phone seconds later. 

  


Somehow, someway, the notification lights up her face enough that it catches his eye and she feels utterly frozen as he looks over and realizes it's her. 

What is the look on his face? 

Disbelief. Then happiness. 

But Rey is watching still as another young woman approaches and lays her hand on his bicep, the one that she knows is deeply stacked with more muscle than should be legal. 

This new interloper can't even pull his attention with her low cut top and tight skirt. 

For him, there is nowhere else to look but at Rey. 

The thought would stir joy deep in her heart if she hadn't downed all those shots. 

She knows that sober Rey would understand what's happening here, but all that drunk Rey can recognize is something else of her own being taken away like so many times before. 

"Rey?" 

Her name comes from two different sides of the room and she's on her feet before any of them can blink. 

Instead of running to him, she's out the door in a flash. 

Sober Rey knows not to walk around alone after dark, but a broken heart is too much to contend with for her mind right then. 

Her feet carry her as fast as possible, back to the small apartment that will fill with her cries tonight, and she's just around the block and out of sight when Rose, Finn, and Kylo rush out after her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really enjoying this fic so thank you for the prompt, Allison! I am usually pretty slow with updating, so sorry about that.

The three of them nearly fall into each other in their haste to run after Rey before she can get too far. 

"Are you Kylo?" Rose eyes the man who has over a foot of height on her. 

He can't seem to connect the dots until she holds out her hand and introduces herself. "I'm Rose. We spoke a few weeks ago. This is Finn, my boyfriend and Rey's best friend." 

Both men size each other up, eyes roving and fists clenching as they stare, neither making an attempt to greet the other. 

"That's enough of that," Rose says as she rolls her eyes. 

*

Rey stumbles into her apartment in record time, flushed and covered in sweat, her mind and her body completely at odds as reality shifts and turns in front of her eyes. 

The alcohol bubbles in her gut as she tries to piece the night together into one coherent picture. 

Everything was perfect until she had to come face to face with Kylo. 

The biggest problem was how her body essentially melted under the power of his gaze. Even shocked, it was enough to blow her away. 

The silence in her apartment physically hurts. 

It is tense and suffocating. 

The sober portions of her brain know that she is missing something big and her phone continues to vibrate inside her bag where she dropped it by the door. 

She floats over to her bed, essentially stuck to the core with this harpoon, and she gives herself ten minutes to wallow. 

Ten minutes to wonder how she can navigate a world where Kylo exists and he can be right there in a matter of minutes. 

Ten minutes to allow herself the option of letting him go. Letting the possible amount of pain end here where it is still manageable. Where Kylo can go home with any of those beautiful women from the bar instead of Rey who is more damaged than he can know. 

What did he sign up for?

A cute girl on an app that only promises shags, not security.

She is still lost in the byways of her own mind when the door opens, quietly and without any alert, and she doesn't notice when three figures enter her space. 

"Rey?"

Still beyond recognition, Rose's words are merely a whisper in a strong storm of hailing wind. 

She keeps everyone back behind an outstretched arm, beckoning them to pause and wait until their presence is acknowledged, and it takes more verbal prodding for their drunk friend to catch on. 

"Sweetie, are you okay?" 

It's the inflection on the end of the sentence that finally whips Rey back to reality with a scream and an attempt to roll away, but her body goes the wrong way and she drops off the tall bed frame like a hundred pounds of dead weight. 

"Rey!" Kylo is kneeling next to her in an instant, struggling with wanting to touch her to make sure she is alright while also remembering what she has told him about being touched and her aversion to it if she doesn't want it.

Her face flames red and hot, pulsing with embarrassment as she stills him with a look. "What are you doing here?" 

It took Kylo so long to bring Rey out of her shell, for her to start enjoying the affection he willingly gave, and he senses her intention to revert back behind the brick wall. "I was worried about you. It's not safe for you to run around the city all alone after a night spent drinking. Please don't do that again." His tone is rigid and stern and she can only blink in response. 

Finn clears his throat from the entryway and all eyes turn to him. "I guess we should... go," he finishes with a sigh as no one makes an attempt to argue that. Rose wordlessly agrees and slips her hand into the crook of his arm, allowing her boyfriend to walk her back to her own apartment where their night will surely just be starting, and she gives the two of them one long wave goodbye. 

"Tell me why you ran," he pleads. 

Emotions swirl inside of Rey and it is too much to look at him and feel his own rushing off him. 

She starts slowly, "you don't understand."

"Make me understand. Please, Rey. _Princess._ "

Heat blooms in her cheeks again, and a great sigh leaves her body nearly empty and deflated.

"I just—" Her head spins as she tries to reach in and take hold of all the words to accurately explain. "It's all well and good when you're there and I'm here, but seeing you tonight, seeing other women touch you... I can't explain how that felt. And I think if you really knew me you'd pick them. You _should_ pick them." 

The silence hangs between them, thick and tense like the beginnings of a storm, but he keeps his eyes trained on her. 

There is no movement from him, poised to strike like a hungry jungle cat, and Rey feels shock at her core that the look in his eyes doesn't frighten her. 

It excites her. 

It thrills her. 

Whatever it is that glimmers across his face, Rey can't help but wonder if the same look flits across her own as she watches Kylo's eyes darken and his adam's apple bob heavily. 

"Rey." There is no pretense, just his eyes locked on her lips, and she finds her own warm and chapped, but running her tongue over them makes him groan. "You're so beautiful, darling." For a split second their eyes lock and then his hand is in her hair, tilting her head back and cradling her neck as his lips descend on hers, and she chases after his own when they part after mere seconds.

"Even better than I expected," he praises, watching her try to close the distance as it grows, but her movements are clumsier than she expected. "Hey, careful, careful." 

The floor isn't comfortable, a mix of some linoleum meant to appear similar to hardwood, and she is sure they will both be stuck to it when they get up, but she really has no need to be getting up yet. 

Her eyes take in all his features alone and as part of the larger masterpiece that is his too handsome face. It is absolutely no surprise that so many women flock right to him, drawn in like a moth to the flame, she feels like a lamb walked to the slaughter by a beautiful wolf. 

That pull is strong in her too, and she finds the heat doesn't melt her like it should when she shuffles over, winding her arm around his neck in an attempt to get him closer, but all the muscle and strength in his body means moving him is harder than pushing a block of Italian marble. 

"Kylo, please." He swallows again and she finds that she is tired of thinking through everything before she moves, so her lips are over his adam's apple before he can duck her. 

His skin is smooth and warm under her touch and what starts as a chaste press of her lips to his throat devolves into sloppy open-mouthed kisses with intermittent pinches from her teeth, a little too hard to be sweet nibbles. 

Her mind is slowly slipping away, falling into the dark chasms of intoxication, and she doesn't fret because somehow she feels safe in his arms. 

He will protect her. 

Suddenly she is jerked back, his strong grasp holding her at her shoulders, and his breath is wracking his upper body. "Rey, I can't." 

The rejection hits her like a brick wall barreling straight at her. He doesn't want her. Not now, when she's within his reach and she has such a deep need for him. 

"But—" Whatever words she intends to say are left inside her scattered mind as he kisses her hand, all the while maintaining vivid eye contact with her, a show that makes her understand the truth of it all: this isn't rejection, this is a promise. 

The promise of another day, another kiss, another opportunity to catalog every single micrometer of her body. 

The possibilities are endless and her next breath catches in her throat as his lips begin the journey up her arm, raising each and every hair on her body, until he skips from her shoulder to the inflamed skin at her cheeks. 

"You have no idea how much I want you," she sighs at hearing his deep voice so close, "but the right time is when you're completely sober. I'd be a horrible daddy if I took advantage of you now, princess." 

It is one thing when she says it, but hearing him refer to himself like that is a heady experience.

Maybe a small part of her thinks everything with Kylo is nothing but a long dream that she hasn't managed to wake up from yet. 

Good things like him rarely come into Rey's life. She already has Finn and Rose, so what more can she expect? 

His hands wind around her back, lifting her into his chest and hauling her body back up to the high mattress, but she does not want to be parted from him now and her hands grip his shirt to pull him along where he deposits her. 

"Please stay, Kylo." Her eyes are starting to grow wet, the amount of alcohol in her blood lowering every defense she has, and she shuffles over to give his large body room. 

The offer clearly makes him deliberate for long minutes before he nods and swings himself up, arranging himself on the edge on his back, arms and legs too long and flowing over the near side and end. 

"Goodnight, princess." The last thing she remembers before falling into the black abyss of dreams is his lips pressed to the crown of her head and perhaps the sensation that comes with someone taking a long breath in while they are poised against her.

That is why she wakes up happy instead of nauseous when really, she should be feeling hungover. 

But where his massive form was pressed into her bed, the area is now empty and cold. There is nowhere for him to hide in the tiny apartment that she can barely afford. 

Realization dawns slowly, and she is so close to finding her phone and screaming into his ear when the doorknob jiggles and turns, the ramshackle locks that barely keep the door closed and her safe take little time to keep someone out.

She sees surprise and elation drift across his face, "we need to do something about those locks." 

"Come here," she pleads, sitting up on the bed with her arms held open wide. The memory of his chivalrous denial last night is one of the few moments etched into her long term memory bank, but she's unable to go even a moment more without an assurance. 

Whatever he is carrying is dropped to her desk and his large gait has him in front of her in four steps. The height of her bed frame has her nearly at his eye level as she kneels toward the edge. 

He is so beautiful even with sober eyes.

"Hi." 

"I haven't brushed my teeth yet, but—"

"I downed a whole cup of coffee already so all things considered, I don't give a damn." If a look could melt every hard edge away, Rey should be nothing but a formless puddle of want on the floor. 

But he is able to keep her together with his arms wrapped tightly around her. 

"If you don't kiss me right this instant..." He moves quicker than a flash, pressing his full lips to her own chapped lips, and though she can definitely taste the lingering notes of coffee, cream, and sugar, it is a perfect moment. 

Unlike every other guy she has ever had the displeasure of knowing, Kylo makes no move to deepen the kiss or touch her anywhere else. 

They stay entangled like that for close to five minutes, only parting when the exhales through their noses starts them laughing, and Rey tries to tug him back up beside her. 

Shaking his head, Kylo drops his hands to the top of her thighs and squeezes. "I've got to get going if I'm going to make it to work on time. I assume you have studying to do too. Eat what I brought you, there's absolutely no food in this apartment." 

The edge to his voice thrills her more than a little bit. She has always worried more about surviving than behaving, but he's a good reason to toe the line. 

"When can I see you again?" she asks with her face downturned. 

He observes her for a moment that is both tender and long and she finds herself unable to turn away from the look in his energetic brown eyes. Most women love men with blue eyes, but from this second forward there will be nothing except brown for her. 

"Why don't we plan for something after your finals are over?" He smiles, big enough to give her a glimpse of his slightly crooked teeth that make her heart pitter patter excitedly, "but you know how to reach me until then." 

She nods in agreement while thinking about how difficult it will be to have an online relationship after these two days. 

A chorus of keys and loose change jingling in his pocket distracts her just enough that he's nearly to the door before she calls out to him. 

"Hey. Kylo? Um, daddy?" 

"Yes, princess?" 

She is on her feet and stumbles toward him like a new fawn just testing out her legs for the first time. "I'm so glad we met," she whispers into his ear while standing on the tips of her toes. 

There is no audible response from him, but his hands slide along the expanse of her lower back and Rey decides to stop being good and digs her fingers into the dark strands of his hair. Her own mouth seals to his, keeping any sounds from reaching their ears, but she takes a step forward as her tongue runs along his lip in a plea for contact. 

"Fuck." 

The single utterance is just enough to make her grin against his lips, mischievous and sultry, but she's not satisfied with only one word or only one kiss. 

His lips are on hers in a flash, as if she gave him permission and the control to do what he wants, whatever he wants, which seems to be holding her hips and backing her into the door as he devours her, tasting her before moving along to feast on her neck.

"You make me not want to stop, Rey." His words tumble out against her throat, battling the pressure in her jugular where he nips and sucks, and she is useless at keeping quiet. Her moans and soft sighs should embarrass her, but no man has ever made her feel like this. 

If this is what she has been missing for so long...

Just as quickly as he was bent over her, his tall form is gone, stepping away and she is left cold, lonely. 

She can see how ripe his lips appear and wants more than anything to feel them again, but he is straightening his clothes and running a hand through his hair to quell the mess. "I— I don't know how you do it, princess, but you get to me like no one else ever has." 

It is not quite a compliment, but her heart and her brain aren't getting the same message. 

Rey is certainly not the kind of girl who gets silly over a man. Funny thing, though, is that Kylo is quickly making her throw out everything she thinks she knows. 

"You're right," she smirks as she tears off her shirt and quickly cups her naked breasts in her hands, "I'm not sure how I do it either." He gets a wink before she walks off into the bathroom, turning on the water in her shower and dropping the rest of her clothes to the floor, but she doesn't worry about going fast or slow because he will be gone in no time. 

By the time she is washed and dried, there is no one in the apartment but herself. 

It doesn't surprise her, not exactly, and she should probably be happy that one of them is in control of their baser urges. 

The angel on her left shoulder agrees, but the devil on her right pops images of Kylo climbing into shower behind her, dwarfing everything around them with his large body, and her own responds eagerly. 

"Enough of that," she scolds herself and drops the towel in front of her dresser. There is nothing and no one to stop her from putting on the sweatpants and torn shirts she wears when she will be seeing absolutely no one else, but she dresses in her favorite tan and white striped maxi dress and jean jacket. 

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee isn't coming from her kitchen but her desk instead where he placed the cup of coffee and a bag with some kind of sugary delight tucked inside. 

But there, right next to her breakfast, is a slip of paper ripped out of one of her many notebooks that are stacked among the books on her small shelf. 

The blush in her cheeks takes her by surprise and she finds herself daydreaming about what next time will be. 

Losing the Lent bet might be the best thing to ever happen to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Rey's dress](https://m.tjmaxx.tjx.com/m/jump/product/Arco-Striped-Maxi-Dress/1000439054?cid=TJMaxx:GSA:shppng::Feed:11111&utm_medium=shppng&utm_campaign=Feed&utm_source=Google&utm_term=Arco_Striped_Maxi_Dress&&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIhaGW86ei4gIVGoGzCh1pQwsWEAQYASABEgLybfD_BwE)


	4. Chapter 4

*

"Take that off." 

Kylo may be across town so they're safely alone, separately, but it doesn't keep the heat of him at bay. There is something wondrous about Kylo Ren and that mysterious part that turns her into a crazy girl changes by the day. 

Today it's his naked body and the way he's taken to bossing her around while they video chat. "Shirt off, Rey."

All things being equal, they've been at this stage for days now. It is a great way to relieve the mounting levels of stress that eat away at her as she struggles through her finals. In the distance, she can picture the both of them enjoying hours spent in his bed. 

"You already know how much I appreciate your chest, daddy, but I want to see what's under those boxer briefs." 

"And you get what you give." 

She grins up at the camera and slowly she starts removing her shirt, inching her hands under the offensive article of clothing until he can see the curve of her breasts. "This better?" 

"Jesus, princess, all the way off." His hand moves along his cock, squeezing his erection while he waits, the teasing continuing on for just a little too long. "Let me see those beautiful tits." 

It's not fair, that voice coupled with that face and that body. "God, I love it when you talk like that." Throwing caution to the wind, she is bare in less than a minute, a smile pulling at her cheeks when he is struck speechless. "No response to that, Mr. Ren?" 

His hand disappears under the waistband of his Calvin Klein underwear, grasping himself and biting at his lush bottom lip. Three days stand between them and seeing each other face to face. Seeing, touching, and so, so much more. 

"Daddy, you promised." She starts to pout, over the top and obnoxious, until his hand moves just enough to pull his hard cock out. The light on the far end of his room throws shadows around his body and she is eager to map each and every inch she can get her hands on. 

Later. 

Words aren't necessary as they watch hands run over wide expanses of skin and small noises escape when they touch a particularly sensitive spot. 

She has learned that Kylo enjoys telling her what to, and she finds it quickly turns her on even if she pretends she's a brat, like she doesn't want to listen. "I'm so wet, baby. Look." Her knees fall apart, a picture of pure explicit obscenity, and he grasps his cock at the base to stave off his orgasm. 

"Do you like what you see?" Today she is much bolder than ever before, this round of stress release is desperately needed as she hasn't slept in thirty-six hours. Anxiety riddles her subconscious every single time she closes her eyes, and he happily agreed to stay awake a little while longer for her. 

"Where is it?" His face is clouded over and both hands have fully left his body when he begins to rip the control back to himself. 

"Hmm... somewhere." The bed shakes as she pats around the comforter looking for the vibrator he's become very familiar with. Kylo purchased the item the first time they started a very explicit video chat and her poor hands ached by the time they finished. A discreet package was delivered to her door the very next day. 

The large toy finally falls into her hand while the other parts her lips with her fingers, giving him a clear view to the next step. 

"You know the rules: you make yourself come with that on your clit before you're permitted to fuck yourself." 

This has been par for the course, training her body to relax fully and enjoy one orgasm before she slowly presses the oversized object inside her. It still doesn't compare to his natural size, but he is saving that final preparation for himself. 

"Yes, daddy, I remember." She always ends up obeying because it makes him happy and that smile he grants her is nearly enough to completely immobilize her. It is notched in between her lips, just beneath her clit, when she presses the button at the bottom and starts to soar. 

In the quiet of her apartment at nearly midnight, each breathy sound that escapes her sounds loud enough to startle people a mile away, but it's nothing compared to his. 

" _Kylo._ " The whine starts in her chest, deep inside where it beats beside her racing heart, and she is so destroyed without it even inside her yet. 

Where her laptop is set up at the bottom of her bed, he has a picturesque view of her flushed chest with pebbled nipples and a light sheen of sweat, and his face completely disappears as she nears the end. "Babe! Uh—baby, where are you?" 

She crests the ridge and, looking down, can see the waves churning below before her eyes squeeze shut and every single thing in the galaxy ceases to exist. 

"Look at you, princess." He is all she can see when her eyes adjust back to functioning again, crooked grin so wide he appears delirious, and he instructs her to move the vibrator down just enough to slip it inside where she really needs it. 

The stretch is sublime, her body sated just enough and her cunt wet enough that she is surely dripping onto her sheets, but a little mess is worth it to feel this high while still completely sober. She knows that they both wish things were slightly different in this moment, that it could be Kylo's erection inside her instead of the pulsing purple vibrator, that they were enjoying the bliss of touch together. 

"Almost," she whispers into the air. 

As absorbed as she is with her own pleasure, she is able to make out a few of the words he's chanting at her like " _look at that perfect cunt," "i need to see you come, sweetheart,_ " and other endearments that make her fly to new heights. 

Two orgasms in the span of ten minutes wrings her out like an overused sponge, and her senses return just in time to watch Kylo's hand move as it is wrapped tightly around his darkened cock for barely thirty seconds more before his cum splashes up to his abs and chest. 

Soon she will be free to lick each and every drop he leaves there whenever she feels the urge. 

It's clear that those words did manage to slip past her lips when he chuckles deeply and pulls on his cock more. "Can you not say things like that? I have very little willpower at the moment." 

"Willpower? Hm... What would you need that for?" 

"Rey." He flops back to the mattress and sits back up with an unusual gleam in his eye. "Do you want to see how long it would take for me to break down the door and those useless locks that barely keep it closed?" 

Turning on her side, the restlessness is gone along with the buzzing of her overactive mind. 

"Daddy, I'm sleepy." Her mouth doesn't work like it normally does; the haze of sleep makes the muscles in everything so hard to manage. 

Everything slowly fades until there is nothing in this world except the comfort of her blankets and the tranquility that drifting into the cosmos brings. 

* 

Morning comes without her alarm, and she sleeps beyond 7:00 AM, past 8:00 AM, and only wakes at 9:15 in the morning when Finn calls her repeatedly. 

"Uhhh—hello?" 

"Peanut! Where are you? We planned to meet at the library an hour ago. Don't you have a final in twenty minutes?" Finn sounds exasperated. 

"Huh?" 

"You. Mechanical Engineering final. At 9:45. Twenty minutes from now." 

Every internal alarm goes off at once and the adrenaline courses through every limb before she's up and moving, knocking over everything in her path to find clothes because she failed to put on even her underwear last night. 

"Gotta go," she yells as she stumbles into a pair of skinny jeans and a tank top, forgoing any undergarment that will add more time to the delay in her free sprint across campus. 

Dr. Ackbar, the chair of the Engineering department, is very much a no nonsense professor and doesn't allow anyone in if they're even fifteen seconds late. She watched it happen last year and she refuses to be a victim in front of the entire class. 

Sprinting across campus, she doesn't pause for even a moment to double check the time before she slips inside the room through a door rarely used and she spots Ackbar blocking the main entrance where he engages the lock to bar anyone else. 

"Get that one for me, will you?" Huffing in long breaths, the fact that he's speaking to her goes unnoticed until he calls her name and indicates the door. 

With the large clock on the wall finally turning over to 9:45, everyone shuffles to their seat and takes out calculators, pencils, and the single notecard allowed to give them relief so they could avoid memorizing dozens of formulas on top of all the other concepts that were certain to be on the test. 

"You have two hours, starting... now!" 

Where normally her mind would be buzzing and racing in the quest to retrieve answers long buried in the recesses of her mind, today it is clear. The sleep she managed to get last night locked everything away in the long term storage that allows her to breeze through the short answer and essay questions, leaving more than an hour and a half for the complicated practical application questions that will make or break her entire grade. 

Where once there was disappointment and anxiety, now there is only steely resolve and the acceptance that she can do this. 

One hour and thirty-nine minutes is all the time she needs to answer each question to the best of her ability, double check each and every response, and pack her things away before she rises to deposit her answer sheet on the edge of Ackbar's desk. 

"Have a good summer, Rey." 

"Thanks, professor." 

This being her last final means that there is no more work, no more reading, no more hours of studying to keep her submerged below the water level trying to breathe deeply through the small snorkel attached to her goggles. 

She turns her phone back on after she pushes past the door and drops down to sit on the concrete edge of the fountain in the quad.

> Kylo: Good luck today
> 
> Rey: All done
> 
> Kylo: I look forward to you telling me all about it later tonight. 7PM. Chef Kanata. See you then.

The smile he always brings about is stuck there when Finn finds her twenty minutes later.

"Hey, peanut." 

"What's up?" Their eyes connect and he looks away quickly. 

"How are things with Kylo?" 

This is how things used to be; before Finn found Rose and brought her into both of their lives, and he was her main confidant because Rey always had trouble connecting with others. Finn was the exception to that. 

Biting her bottom lip, Rey squeals for a split second before launching herself into his arms. "So good! My god, Finn, is this how happy you are with Rose? I understand it now." 

It is easy to forget the rest of the world when she is catching up with her best friend after days spent apart while busy with tests and end of semester hijinks. 

"I've got a date tonight. I'll call you tomorrow and the three of us can get lunch. How does that sound?" 

He nods and spends a long moment watching her face. "Sounds great. Be safe tonight, Rey. Please promise me that you will be safe." 

"C'mon," she laughs to lighten the mood, but Finn's face doesn't break into a smile like she expects. "What's wrong?" 

There is silence for a beat or two and every measure pushes her heart into her throat, higher and higher, still pumping as her esophagus constricts around it, until she may choke on it. 

"You met him, Finn."

"I know, I know." He takes a great breath in and his shoulders slump as he exhales. "You know I worry about you, that's all." 

Rey reaches for his hand and they slip together easily, a practiced routine that allows her to squeeze his hand and receive a few in return. "You're the best," she says as she pins him with a smile. "Will it make you feel better if I tell you where I'll be?" 

"Yes."

"Chef Kanata."

"Are you going home with him?" 

"Finn!" Though her cheeks pink up, she smiles too, which tells him all he needs to know. 

"Text me the address when you get to his place. Please, Rey. Please." 

It seems that he will not let her go without agreement to his terms, so even though his over protective brother act grates on her nerves ever so slightly, she promises to send him the information when she has it. She knows there's no judgement about what she hopes to do tonight. 

"I'll call you when I get back," she gives him a quick hug before running off back to her apartment. He continues to sit and think long after she leaves. 

*

Rey isn't very good at doing the girly things like getting excited about dressing up and doing her makeup and hair for a night out. 

That is why Rose is perched up on Rey's bed, acting as her magic mirror for the night. 

"No, absolutely not," she says as Rey twirls around in a red dress that does nothing to emphasize her lean shape. 

Each and every piece of clothing is tried on and then pulled off for Rose's review. 

"That one!" She yells in her excitement and takes another sip of the canned wine she brought with her. 

"Isn't this just like the red one?" 

"Are you serious? This one clings in all the right places. Kylo is going to ruin his pants." Rey shrieks in response, running her hands over the patterned long sleeved wrap dress. It does make her legs look miles long and gives a boost to her small chest. "Now, show me what you're going to wear underneath the dress." 

"Uh," she shrugs and looks at Rose like she's grown two heads in the blink of an eye, "what I'm wearing now, probably." 

"Oh, Rey, sweetie. Men love lingerie. The sexier the underthings, the happier they are to unwrap it all. Show me the options." 

Saying there is little choice would be an understatement. 

Most of her bras are either sports bras or the lacy bralettes that made her feel cute when she needs that little bit of confidence in herself. The majority of her underwear are boyshorts and bikinis, save for a few pairs of thongs an old boyfriend bought for her right before he ended things. They stayed stashed in the back of her top drawer ever since, but Rose has a way of uncovering even the deepest and darkest of secrets. 

She lays each item of clothing on Rey's bed before ushering her into the bathroom, instructing her to hang the dress up on the back of the door so the steam can ease any wrinkles while she washes her hair and shaves. Unable to locate Rey's makeup, she steals her own from the oversized purse that acts as her entire life and waits to begin the pampering. 

"I can't thank you enough for all your help," Rey says as she cleans the condensation off the mirror. Being a foster child, she never had siblings and very few close friends until Finn came into her life. Now she knows what life would've been like with a sister. 

Rose flits around here and there, setting Rey to blow dry her hair while she gets all of her makeup out on the desk. "Finn means well, but no one wants to think about their little sister getting dicked down hard. He'll get over it." 

Rey sputters in response, blushing to a dangerous level as the gravity to her friend's words settle over her. 

"So have you... seen it?" Rose's attempt at being coy makes her laugh all over again, but she said nothing, only nodding in response. "And it's enormous, right? He seems like the kind of guy who knows he's packing an anaconda down there." 

"No comment." 

"C'mon, what's a secret between friends?" 

"You can keep that, Finn's, secret to yourself while I keep mine." 

"Rey..." Rose pouts, her face quickly changing with the sad puppy dog eyes and pushed out lower lip. 

Rey decides maybe it's better to be elusive, "I have no idea how big an anaconda actually is so I couldn't say." 

Another hour is spent on makeup and hair, so she is fully put together by the time Rose leaves with a goodbye kiss and a few suggestions for the bedroom. 

"La la la," she says as her fingers plug up her ears. "I don't want to hear it and risk picturing Finn, thank you." 

The restaurant is only two long city blocks from her apartment building, giving her enough time to walk there without breaking into a sweat as the warm April night descends down on her. 

Exiting out of the front door, she is rendered speechless seeing Kylo resting against the passenger side door of a black Tesla model 3. Words escape her for whole moments as he watches her take him in and he follows suit. 

"We were supposed to meet at the restaurant." She is slightly indignant, but happy to see him. His tall form is swathed in all black from his shoes to each piece of his suit, the only color a pop of blue in his tie. 

His eyes travel up her body slowly, and he grins as he takes it all in. "Don't you remember what I said about walking alone in this city after dark?"

"The sun hasn't fully set yet!"

"Close enough." He opens the door and motions for her to climb in, and her body moves on autopilot as if it is required to follow his every direction. 

In the confined space of the sedan, all she can smell is his cologne, and it is nearly impossible for her to not lean in towards him. "This is a beautiful car." 

"I do love beautiful things." His words and their meaning hang in the air between them until they're pulling up to the curb in front of the nicest restaurant in town. 

A young valet opens her door with a hand extended out to help her out, and he is met with a stony faced Kylo as he moves around the car in a rush to take her arm. 

"I think you scared him, Kylo." 

"Personally, I think he was more frightened of you in those shoes." They both look down at her feet and the wedges her friend forced her into. 

The price of beauty. 

They come up to the hostess stand where his hand drifts down to support her lower back, giving his name to the leggy blonde before they are quickly whisked off to a large booth tucked back in the corner, and she smiles down into her lap when he slides in next to her instead of the seat opposite. 

"What's good here?" 

He hums from the back of his throat, glancing down at the menu she has open. "Everything, I expect. I haven't been here in quite some time, but it was all great before and Maz changes nothing just to make a change." 

"Maz?" It is more spellbinding to watch him, see every movement he makes and watch every single quirk when he reacts, and she realizes that nothing truly does him justice. 

"The owner. She's an old friend of the family," he says and his hand drops down to her thigh, squeezing her with his monstrous right hand, before he extends that arm behind her and it rests just beyond her shoulder along the edge of the booth. 

The waiter stops by for drinks and orders, fettuccine alfredo for her and a filet mignon for him, and somehow she finds herself slowly edging closer and closer until she is wedged under his arm, body turned so she can lay her head on his shoulder or chest, depending on what she can get away with. 

In the past week they have moved beyond that initial awkward phase of a relationship; the bubbly elation of a first kiss followed closely by their first sexual experiences together, done miles apart, but still so special because it was her and him, uniting them for the first time in spirit while not in touch. 

Everything is slow going tonight; each bite takes at least a few minutes and they spend more time simply looking at each other than talking. "This is nice," his lips trail down the crown of her head until they reach her cheek, pausing for a heartbeat while they both enjoy the intimacy with eyes closed. 

"I'm going home with you tonight." She says it far breathier than she intends, but he has to know that's how tonight will be ending. A date is lovely, but he's made her wait for this and she will not be turned away. 

Inside she laughs at a grown man making a twenty year old wait to sleep together. This time space continuum must exist is some alternate reality. 

He hasn't moved himself away even an inch, so his response is spoken into her skin, "We don't have to do anything." 

"Wait, are you saying you don't want to?"

When he pulls away now, she gets a look over his entire face and recognizes the need shining in his eyes. "You better fucking believe I want to, but there's no expectation if you don't want anything to happen. I've been looking forward to tonight since I left your apartment." 

"How can you be so calm and collected? I feel like I've been impatiently waiting around for this for so long." 

He picks up her hand in response, holding it under his own and laces their fingers together, moving the pair until she can feel his rock hard cock underneath her palm. "I wouldn't say I'm very calm, would you?" 

Dinner rushes to an end after that; Kylo quickly pays the check when he realizes that instead of removing her hand, Rey has begun stroking him over his expensive slacks. 

A shiver races through him as she sloppily kisses the edge of his mouth, angling her body toward his to keep him fully in her grasp, and he leaves what may be too large of a tip in his haste to get out of the restaurant before he comes in his pants under her lack of eager restraint. 

The drive to his condo is generally no more than twenty-five minutes on a good day, just far enough that he still lives in the city but far enough out that he doesn't have to deal with the large masses of college students when he walks out of his door. Tonight he pulls into the driveway a mere fifteen minutes later, wholly unsure of how he managed to knock a total of ten minutes off his commute without excessively pushing the speed limits. 

"Wow, this is beautiful." She doesn't wait for him to open up her door, instead climbing out and staring up at the place with her mouth hanging open, and he shrugs in response. 

"It's not much," he says as he leads her in through the garage instead of the front door, "but it's home." 

He climbs up behind her and nearly plows through her when she stops just inside the door where it opens into the kitchen. Her head is whipping around, looking at everything with a critical eye, and he finds it difficult to keep the smile off his face. 

"How much do I have to pay for a tour?" It takes him only a few seconds to toe off his shoes, and then he is holding out his hand for her to take. 

Even the walk from the car is too long to be apart from her, too much time spent without his hands on her because she draws him in like a moth too enraptured with her to recognize that she's a forest fire instead of a single flame. 

There are so many rooms that barely get any use, so he mentions what this one is or that as he walks her past, until they come up to his bedroom. 

She hasn't said anything up to this point, but her breath ruffles his hair when she steps into him after her eyes fall on his large king bed. 

This room and the living room downstairs are the two rooms he has put time and effort into decorating, even if decorating is too loose of a term for a grey/black color scheme and a series of movie posters downstairs which are replaced by scenic photography prints up here. 

His hand is on her back again, hot and heavy outside the dress she can't wait to get out of, and she needs no effort to set her in motion, climbing onto the bed that threatens to swallow her up, but is surely much more normal sized under him. 

"Kylo," she says as she lets her shoes fall to the floor where her legs hang over the edge. 

"Rey." 

Patting the soft comforter, she slides back until her head hits the pillows and her legs spread rather obscenely. "Come here, love." 

"Have I mentioned how sexy your voice is?" He smiles after the words leave his mouth and sees the same action sprout in her. 

His suit jacket is thrown over the armchair in the corner, followed by his cuff links and tie being dropped onto the dresser, and he pulls his belt off to give the both of them easy access when it gets down to it. 

_If_ , he tells himself. 

She nods, her teeth pressing deeply into her bottom lip, as she watches his every movement with hooded eyes. 

Kylo takes one step closer then another, still separated by at least an arm's length of space, and they both look at each other instead of moving. 

Every thought running through Rey's mind hinges on the fact that he isn't moving, he isn't in a rush like she expected him to be when she's so close, but he continues to surprise her in so many ways. 

"Daddy, _please_." 

A large gust of air is pulled in through his barely open mouth and his entire being shakes as he releases it back out. "Say it again." 

" **Daddy.** "

"Do you know what that does to me, princess? Hearing you say that word in your accent..." He palms his growing erection which had flagged in the last thirty minutes, but the rush of blood down his body nearly has him staggering back, unsteady on his feet. 

Where she lays set back on the bed, he only has a side view of her every movement and can trace her hands with his hawk eyes when she runs them up her thighs, bunching the hem of her dress up around her hips, causing him to groan when he realizes he can't see any of it. 

Casting his long arms out, he catches her ankles and unceremoniously yanks her around until he has her angled and positioned exactly how he wants: she is laid out in front of him, the bottom of her dress now fully above her navel, and his eyes are stuck on the thin bit of lace shielding her from his intense glare. 

"I didn't ask for you to come wrapped so nicely." She moans, eyes drifting shut, as his large hand lightly swipes over her covered core. "Here's how things are going to work, Rey: if you want this to happen then I need your consent right now in explicit terms. Should something happen that you don't like or if you want to stop, you say 'red' and it's over. No argument, no pause, I stop. Is that agreeable to you?" 

Her only response is to nod, but he squeezes her thigh and brings her attention back up to his face. 

"I said explicit consent, princess," his eyes are endless pools of deep brown as they bore into every crevice of her soul. "You say you want it or we both end the night wanting and unsatisfied."

Is she hyperventilating? Her brain must be short circuiting because there is nothing she's ever wanted more in her life than she wants him right now, but the synapses that tell her mouth to move and the air to flow to her vocal chords are weak. 

A squeak works its way out and then she's finally speaking, finally getting what she wants. "You have my consent and permission, Kylo. I'm yours, do with me as you like, daddy." 

"Now you're mine." 

Rey's breath catches on the edge of each word, sharp and big, and she is unable to move even an inch as she is caught in his web. 

"I've been thinking about you spread out on my bed, like this, since I first saw your picture on Tinder." Oversized hands curve over her legs, running up the miles of soft and smooth skin, his fingers drift over the band of her panties where they sit high on her hips, and she is antsy for so many reasons, but mostly because she wants him everywhere all at once and things are not progressing as quickly as she would like. 

He still stands with both feet on the floor, one of her naked feet in his hand while the other rests on the hard planes of his abdomen, still hidden beneath the crisp white button down shirt, allowing her to sit up and wrench the dress off completely in one fluid movement. Feeling his eyes slowly rake over her body is exhilarating in a way that forces all sensation directly to her core, and she rubs her thighs together just enough for the movement to catch his eye. 

The man is somehow fine with moving at glacial speed, but Rey will burn up during her descent if he doesn't touch her soon, put his hands on her exactly where she wants them. "Problem?" 

"Kylo—"

"What's that?" His hands pause and squeeze the muscles under his palms. 

"Daddy." Need drips out of her every pore and she is sure that if he can't sense it, it's pouring out of her enough that they both can taste it in the air. 

Suddenly, he gulps down a large breath and a few things happen in rapid succession: her eyes drift shut and she feels his lips on her skin, first on her knee and then moving up higher and higher until he is positioned between her legs with his prominent nose nudging against her cloth covered clit.

Everything stutters to a halt as his fingers pull her underwear to the side, exposing her to the air and his eyes, and he takes a hair's breath of a pause before his mouth is on her, tongue lighting up her sensitive skin. 

Rey isn't sure if she's actually speaking or making gargled noises that describe how much of a master he is with his tongue, but somehow he gets the point of it all when her fingers tangle in his hair and she directs him to focus more on her clit. "Just there, _ahhh_ , baby, yes." 

It takes almost no time at all for him to work her up once he slips two of his thick fingers inside her tight channel, earning whimpers and moans aplenty. 

"I need you to come for me, princess," he demands as he lifts his head for a single second to catch his breath. "Come and I'll give you any reward you want." 

Whatever he is searching for with his fingers deep inside her cunt, his exploration finds dividends when she unexpectedly tumbles into the strongest orgasm of her life. 

"Perfect," he whispers into her hip as he starts to kiss his way up the length of her body. 

The red bralette seems to offend him while it keeps his eyes from fully absorbing the beauty of her naked form, and she sheds it before he has to speak even a word. 

Where she may have been shy weeks ago, there is no shame or timidity when she lays back and allows him to look his fill. 

The new Rey feels powerful in her own skin, and she can only thank the man in front of her for that. 

"One of us is very overdressed." 

A laugh bubbles up in his chest, making her feel warm and utterly protected in a way that seems impossible, but then his hands are at his shirt, unfastening button after button, and she starts to work on his pants. They are both suddenly impatient, though she knows he intends to take his time yet again, and she will be forced to wait too long to feel him inside her. 

So meticulous and precise, he is down to the final two buttons when her hand snakes inside and wraps around the huge surprise waiting for her in there. "My, my," she grins up at him and the heavy breath he takes. "I think someone is happy to see me." 

Straining to move with both her hands wrapped around his monstrous member, Rey slides over onto her belly to work him out and get a close eye on what she is dealing with. 

"I know what you need." She says it as she looks at his cock like a popsicle she's been dreaming about all day during a heat wave and it's not far from the truth. 

Her tongue is out of her mouth in a flash, collecting each drop of precum that spills from the slit, and listening to him moan in response is damn near heavenly. "Do you intend to keep that up?" He asks as if he already knows the answer to his question. 

"I've only done this once before, but I can give it an educated college try." 

Whether his smile is because he wants her to think he finds her funny or because he truly does, it's enough to make her smile for a split second and then his cock is in her mouth, only to about halfway down, and she remembers that lubricant is very important as she strokes the rest that she can't take. 

"Do you know what it does to me to know that you can't get my entire cock in your pretty little mouth?" Vibrations coming from her agreement have him thrusting up into her throat, far past her mouth, and she gags rather ungraciously. 

" _Shit_. I'm sorry, sweetheart."

It isn't the worst feeling she's ever struggled through for a guy, her own internal list already has Kylo at the top, so if she can make it even better for him, why not? He backs off immediately after she has him back in her throat, tears streaming from her eyes, and she mourns the absence of her favorite cock in the world. 

He huffs loudly and steps back from her to get his shirt and pants off. "I'm not coming in your mouth when I can be fucking you instead." 

She likes the sound of that, and her cunt clenches in response, "Come here, then, and fuck me." 

As if pulling him in for a chase, she skirts up the bed again, fully spread out, and her fingers fall to her clit as she takes to watching him watch her. 

There is something so mesmerizing about him and it's nearly impossible to pin down what it is that makes it work. 

In only his boxer briefs, tented enough that she bites her lip as she watches him move, he is opening the bedside drawer and pulling out a long sleeve of condoms before she interrupts. "Oh—um, so I'm on the pill and I was clean at my last test a few months ago. It's been uh—awhile since I've been with someone."

"Are you offering—" 

"To let you raw me if you want? I am." 

There is her blinding smile while he gapes at her, his every function is stopped and stunted as he thinks through the options before realizing that no other choice can be as amazing as what she just suggested, and then he is on the bed, on top of her, kissing her as if he needs every breath of oxygen in her lungs and he intends to steal every single one. 

Resting his weight on one of his forearms, his hips nudge down against hers, and her hand skirts down his body, touching every muscle she can find on his chest and abdomen, until she can get her fingers underneath the tight waistband of the boxer briefs and force them down over his firm ass, past his thighs, and far enough down that he can shimmy them off with a few kicks of his legs. 

"God," she sighs dreamily. 

He is a perfect specimen, every inch made for use and so eye catching that she wonders how he is here with her tonight when he could be anywhere else with bounds of beautiful women, much more attractive than her. 

His cock pulses when she takes it into her hand, vibrating with a need her entire being echoes back in her brightly colored aura, and she brings him forward to run through her pussy lips, collecting the arousal he created in her. 

That first touch shocks them both, it's electricity in its finest measure, and with a flex of his hips he nudges just slightly inside, the head of his cock moving deeper and deeper as she holds her breath. 

While the vibrator may have prepared her for this act, nothing can compare to the feel of him, warm and hard, stretching her to a limit she wasn't previously aware of. 

The look on her face takes him by surprise, eyes shuttered shut and lips pressed together so tightly there is no color left, "Baby. Are you okay? Should I stop?"

"No! No, don't—don't stop. You're so fucking big," a laugh escapes her then. "I thought I knew what I was in for, but clearly I was wrong." 

Looking down, he moans as he watches the little twitches in her hips cause her to bare down on him more and more, her cunt wrapped so tightly around him that he wonders if she was made for him and this moment.

It is sweet torture and ecstasy all wrapped together into one. 

"Just... go all in. Kylo—it's going to hurt less this way." 

His lips cover hers, giving her every good feeling by way of hungry kisses and his tongue tangling with hers, but it all stops with his forceful thrust in. She takes a strong breath in and digs her nails into his bicep and back, marking him as hers in a way anyone will recognize, and the pain is receding immediately. 

A minute passes as they are locked together, and his lips find every sensitive spot on her body, almost like he finds a secret road map to enrapture her. 

"Go, baby. Move. Now." The authority in her tone makes him take a shallow thrust, barely pulled out at all, and they both moan loudly. 

Something about the anticipation of this moment, this act, makes it all the better when her cunt clenches down on him and she can feel every ridge as he pulls out. 

He is all but silent, save for groans and little noises he makes when his balls slap against her on a particularly hardy thrust, and she's taken to babbling into the silence. 

"Ri—right there. _Yeah_. Fuck, Kylo. You and this cock are a masterpiece." 

The power behind each inward movement, the way he lifts her leg and holds it to his chest, it all adds into the river that flows through her, the burning that builds in her belly with each movement he makes. They are practically sewn together, the two of them, and she will not allow him to even pull out of her fully. 

Sweat has collected across his brow. "Gon—gonna come soon, princess. But first, you need to come all over my cock. I want to feel this perfect pussy give me what I want. Can you do that for me?" 

Even when he's demanding, it's not more than she'd expect from him, and every cell in her body requires her to follow his orders to the letter. 

She wraps her other leg high around his waist, shifting the way her hips rest just so, and finds her clit with a sense of urgency. The movements of her hand are those of a woman who is used to creating her own pleasure, but it's the last few pieces she needs to dive headlong into oblivion. 

Her cries ring loud around the room and he matches her in every sound. "Fuck, Rey. That's perfect. You're perfect. I'm gonna destroy this pussy, okay?" 

He doesn't need her permission, but she nods along anyway. The only thing she wants in this moment is to feel him release inside her and when he does, she nearly comes again, but her body is too wrung out to attempt it. 

"So good," she muses into his hair when he collapses on top of her, still shaking with his release. "Stay, please." He doesn't get more than an inch away from her before her arms are around him, plastering their sweaty spent bodies together. 

It takes some rearranging, but after minutes of nonverbal negotiation he is laid on his back with her small form spread over his chest. 

"You okay?" 

She smiles into his chest, fingers playing with the drops of moisture still there while she feels his cum start to seep onto her thighs and the sheets. "Never better." 

That night, before she's fully slipped away into unconsciousness, she shoots a text message off to Rose.

>   
>  Rey: Guess who lost the bet?

*

Normally the walk of shame is a quick run between one building back to home, but Rey enjoys every second of hers. Kylo took her against the tile wall in his shower before he drives her home. 

"I want to see you again soon," he whispers into her lips before she climbs out of his car. She can only nod in response. 

All in all, it's a night she is unlikely to ever forget, the soreness throughout her body makes sure of that. 

She is still beyond giddy when she comes upon her door and the small piece of paper shoved into the seam. 

It turns out to be a business card that flutters to the floor once she unlocks the door and throws it open, shoes and oversized purse in hand. She can see the writing on the back, in a familiar script that belongs to Finn, but the reverse sends a shock through her. 

It's Kylo's. But it means nothing in comparison to the note on the back. 

_We need to talk about Kylo. Give me a call when you get back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Kylo has some secrets. We will find out about them in the next chapter which probably won't be the last, but we'll see. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that the tags have been updated. If it's not your cup of tea, please x out now and carry on. 
> 
> Introducing this new tag also extends the length of this fic so I've upped the chapter count as well.
> 
> Thanks for reading!

Perfect. Everything was perfect when she woke up this morning, spooned by Kylo and wrapped up in his thick arms. It's the dream of every straight girl brought into reality. 

Why isn’t it able to stay that way?

She dials Finn immediately after she changes into a fresh pair of underwear, yoga pants, and a tank top. She really should've packed a change of clothes before she left last night, but her mind was only on one thing. 

"Rey." He sounds happy to hear from her, but there is an undercurrent of something else in his tone. Suddenly, she's on edge, precariously held far enough from the edge that she's in no danger of falling over, but the ground could give way at any moment. 

"I got your note,” she says in what she hopes is a pleasant tone. 

"Yeah, right." She can picture him taking in large breaths with each word. "Can you come over? I think this is a conversation better had face to face." 

They are so familiar with each other that Rey doesn't even knock when she arrives, letting herself in, finding Rose and Finn situated on his lumpy couch under a threadbare blanket. 

"Hey, I came as soon as I could." She is met with an unsure look from Rose and Finn's downcast eyes. 

The dark haired woman rises and starts to make her exit after dropping a kiss to his forehead, "I'll leave you two alone. Call me later, 'kay?" 

Rose receives a nod from her friend as a parting message. 

"You know this is making me more than a little anxious, right?”

Finn sighs rather heavily before he turns to look her fully in the face and pats the spot next to him. "So, the other day I had to stop in the financial aid office to check on my summer aid package for my internship in DC. I guess I came in during everyone's lunch hour because Kylo was in there." 

She's nodding along. "Based on the card, he works there." 

"Has he said anything to you about working on campus?"

"No, but he knew I was a student from the get go. I imagine he might've been a little uncomfortable about it." 

"Right, so—" he takes a large breath of air and swallows, his adam's apple bobbing along. "When I went in, Kylo was there with this woman—she's really beautiful too—and was so touchy feely with her."

"Touchy feely how? Like he wiped tartar sauce from her face or picked a cat hair off her shirt?" Maybe he can't tell how the tension spikes through her body, but her stomach feels almost ready to drop out with every word. 

"I'll just lay it all out for you. She is heavily pregnant and he had his arms wrapped around her, his hand rubbing over her swollen stomach." 

"But that—"

" _Rey._ ” He pins her with a look, “Are you really going to try to spin this?" 

The words smack her like his own open palm would have. "Finn. I—I don't know what that all means, but it could all be strictly platonic. I have to talk to Kylo and hear it from him. It could be his sister." 

"Didn't seem like his sister,” he rolls his eyes. 

She can't take hearing another word, or watch him try to dig in underneath each and every insecurity she has, so instead of going back to her apartment, Rey orders an Uber to Kylo's. 

Six minutes of knocking later, and she is greeted by a nearly disheveled man with hair roughly out of place, with at least a day's worth of stubble, dressed in only a pair of dark red lounge pants. 

"Rey? I'm sorry, I was resting upstairs.” He stops a beat to take her in. “What's wrong?"

Without the need of an invite, Rey shoulders inside and rumples her own second day hair. "My friend said he saw you getting all touchy feely with some pregnant chick at work." She makes the statement with an upward climb on the end of the sentence that makes it sound like a question. 

"Who? I mean—what?" 

Each word feels poisonous as it leaves her lips, but she can't stop herself. This train is quickly running off the tracks. "Have I been wrong about what this is the entire time?" 

"No, Rey. You weren't wrong about anything." While his words say one thing, his face and body language say another. "That's Tallie, my ex. And yes, the baby is mine." 

Gone. The world has completely fallen out from beneath her in a matter of seconds and a few words. Everything she knew is now tilted on a different axis and slipping away before she can get her bearings. "So what is happening with that? You still see her?" 

His hand runs through his hair, bicep bulging with every movement, and her eyes are stuck there. The couch calls to her, and she stumbles to it on unnaturally colt-like legs. "We talk often about the baby and I give her whatever support she needs." 

"And what does this mean for us?" 

"It doesn't change anything for us," he says as he sits next to her, most of his weight resting on the arm of the couch. It's obvious that he's more than a little unsure about touching her or getting any closer than he already is. 

She may be a live wire under normal circumstances, but now she's pulled too far back into her shell to set herself off. 

"Kylo..." 

"I'm serious, sweetheart. I see Tallie only when it's related to the baby. Nothing more than that, I promise you."

Rey doesn't fail to fully understand how strongly she is reacting to everything Kylo says and how hard he is working to calm her down. 

"Will you indulge me for a moment?" His hand is out, hanging in the air between them. She stares at it for whole minutes before she nods, but can't reach out for him, some tiny being is controlling each and every one of her limbs and refuses to let her move forward. 

"Consider the fact that we connected on Tinder. It was obviously something more from the beginning, but what did you expect from this? Did you tell all your friends about me?" 

Her voice is small when she speaks, "I told the ones that matter."

"Let's be honest, Rey. You don't know me." The eyes that connect with his are just on the edge of tearful. It pains him all the same. He stands and takes a step back, offering her a drink as a means of letting her collect herself. Whatever look crossed her face, his mind can't quite place what it is. Maybe a little fear, some sadness, peppered in with a dash of understanding, and yet a molecule of doubt still lingers. That last one troubles him; it has taken so long to get her to this point, and it isn't that he was trying to keep all these things from her. Everything has its time, he knows that more than most people. 

As deep into his own mind as he is then, hearing the door slap against the frame shakes him free, and he walks back out to an empty room. 

*

Rey is bundled under her pile of blankets, face nearly waterlogged and blotchy, when Rose finds her. 

"Darling." All of Rose comes into view as she lifts each layer up until it's just Rey rolled into the fetal position, all cried out. She struggles to get her smaller body up on the elevated mattress without any assistance. It's not easy to be the large spoon, but she rearranges her limbs around Rey until she's holding her friend as the sobs wrack through her body again. 

Time inches by as Rey spills her soul to her friend, letting out thoughts and dreams she's never voiced to anyone before. 

"You know what this calls for, right?" 

Rey only shakes her head in response.

"Holy forking shirtballs."

She gives Rose an incredulous look and tries to burrow herself back under the blankets, but Rose is able to manhandle her up and out of bed. Her strength is hidden by her small stature. 

“You’re going to come back to my apartment where we’re going to drink all the wine I own and then send Finn out for some more. It's the least he can do, after all.” Rey finds herself nodding before she realizes it. 

“What's the shirtballs?” She asks, stuffing a few things into her messenger bag. 

“Oh, my dear, you’re in for a treat.” Rose holds her hand out and they walk out with their clasped hands swinging between them with each step. 

*

She has never been to Rose’s apartment before; they always meet up on campus, at her place or Finn’s, so she is more than spellbound when she enters the two bedroom apartment that doesn't appear as if it's in the budget range for a college student. 

“My parents have a lot of money, and I share it with my sister,” she says with a shrug as if reading Rey’s mind. 

The entryway leads into a spacious living room with a white leather sectional and one of the biggest televisions she's ever seen is mounted on the wall. Her eyes are stuck there when Rose disappears into the kitchen only to reappear in a minute with two bottles of wine and an electronic corkscrew. 

She shrugs again, “why pretend like we're going to leisurely enjoy a glass or two?” Clearly she is a master at this, removing the cork almost at the snap of her fingers. “White or red?” 

Rey selects blindly and finds she doesn't mind the taste after she downs the first large gulp. There is nothing she wants more today than to get lost in another world and forget her own. 

“I am so happy that I get to introduce you to Eleanor Shellstrop and the rest of the gang.” There is a vast array of remotes on the table before them and Rose quickly picks up two, clicking this one and the other a few times until the welcoming sound of the chimes greets them, “Rey? Come on in.” 

Down two bottles each and nearing the end of the second season, both of them are curled up in the middle of the sectional, a fuzzy black and white blanket draped over both of their laps as they devolve into drunken giggles over nothing when she finally feels the urge to talk. 

“I don't know what to do. He says he only sees her when necessary for the baby… but he didn't seem interested in letting her go.” She breezes through the statement as Janet helps everyone come up with disguises.

Rose’s arm is around her shoulders in the blink of an eye, “oh, sweetie. I’m sorry. What did he say when you asked him about it all?” 

Tears start to leak from the corners of her eyes again. “He—he said that I don't really know him, and maybe that's true, but it _feels_ like I know him better than I know myself.” 

Rose lets her talk as long as she needs to, until she runs out of steam. “The alcohol is letting you be as honest as you can be. So let me ask this, what do you want? Is Kylo worth the pain you feel now or the pain you might feel if things go south?” 

Rey doesn't answer immediately, her mind is sluggish thanks to the high levels of alcohol cruising through her body. She is used to people leaving her, it's nothing new, but she's never been in the position to leave someone else before, and her heart and mind are both in agreement that they're not ready to take that step.

“I think he is.” A new slew of tears work their way out of her system before she is able to tamp it all down. They talk through a number of things that still plague Rey’s cluttered mind so that by the time The Brainy Bunch is together in episode two of season three, she knows how she will follow the path forward. 

“Are you sure you don't want to stay the night? I have a king sized bed so there's more than enough room for us to share.” 

Rey shakes her head, trying to steady herself with a hand on the wall as she attempts to put her shoes on. “I’ll be alright. I’m going to call for a ride. Don't worry about me.” Quickly blowing two kisses to Rose, she stumbles out of the apartment on shaky legs that threaten to give out on her with every step. 

Her short nails make noise each time they connect with the glass on the screen of her phone, echoing through the cavernous hallways that wrap around the building. In a matter of minutes, she finds her way to the front door, waving her own goodbye to the man who presses the button on the automatic door. The phone rings twice before she hears the voice that both makes her smile and cripples her with more fear than she can reason with. 

“Hello?” 

Her lips are momentarily stuck together, fused just enough to allow her to breathe, but little else. 

“Is that you, Rey?” 

Another minute of silence passes through the phone connection. “Yes, hi. It's me.” 

“I wasn't expecting to hear from you—”

Unable to control herself, Rey plunges forward and interrupts him without apology, “Can you come and get me? I think we need to talk.” 

No other words are able to instill fear in a grown man like telling him that you need to talk, so she isn't surprised when he has no immediate response. “Please, Kylo,” and anything else she intends to say is swiftly forgotten when a strong breeze nearly tips her over, making her laugh and swear as she stumbles a bit into a bench set next to the doors to the building. 

“Are you alright? Rey? Rey! Please answer me, princess.”

He is nearly to hysterics by the time she whispers her request into the phone again, right before she lays her body down on the metal bench, “I want to see you, babe. I’m a little drunk still, and um… I’ll have to order an Uber to get myself home in one piece.” 

The world around her has started to swirl at a vomit inducing pace, so she is full of thanks and praises when he tells her that he's getting in his car now, instructing her to send him the address of wherever she is or turn on her Find My Friends locator if she can't manage anything else. How she does it, she can't actually explain, but she is looking into his warm, chocolate eyes by the time her own open again.

“Hi,” he says, his face lighting up in a way her heart longs to see. The smile on his face is truly mesmerizing, and her fingers run over his dimples as she takes him in. 

Rey finds herself smiling so easily in response. “It's so good to see you.” 

“You saw me this morning,” he answers with a laugh, still hovering over her even as he kneels on the sidewalk. Somehow she always manages to forget how large he is until she's directly faced with it. 

The memories flood back to her and tears start to cloud her vision. “I’m sorry about earlier, really I am.” 

Instead of responding to her apology, Kylo easily lifts her into his heavily muscled arms, her own drift around the nape of his neck. Never before has she been faced with truly appreciating how a man smells, but this man smells like something she can't name, something that pushes her blood to cycle faster through her body. If it initiates a new wave of arousal, she isn't surprised—she is always set to simmer around him. It is a weakness she's unwilling to resolve.

All the wine in her body will not allow her to keep her thoughts closed off inside her own mind, forcing her to bare all. “Kylo…” she hums as he sets her down into the passenger seat and buckles her in. 

There is every intention to keep talking, but sleep drags her under yet again, and when she wakes next they are inside his condo, inside his bedroom, she is still resting in his arms while he rests back against his headboard. 

“There you are,” he breathes into the crown of her head as she stretches. 

“Mm, hello you.” A large glass of water is waiting for her, creating water rings on his expensive bedside table as the condensation travels down the crystal slopes of a clearly expensive piece of glassware. It is beautiful, just like everything else he owns. 

From everything she's seen, it is clear that he has no problem providing for himself, and apparently his ex-girlfriend as well. 

“I ran out of here earlier and didn't properly hear you out, and I’m sorry about that. You were right on all accounts, but I need you to let me in.” Her fingers tap on his naked chest, effectively calling for his heart to answer. 

Kylo’s face is impassive, allowing no hint of his feelings to show through the mask that covers his features, but the fact that he hasn't outright denied her is a start. 

There are so many things she wants to say to him—to tell him and explain what's going on in her mind, but all the courage she had earlier has flown away, leaving her effectively crippled at the top of a steep hill with no way down. 

“Rest now.” His voice lulls and soothes her in ways she will never properly understand, so those two words are an order and a request mixed all into one. 

She never considered herself a cuddler before Kylo, but something about being wrapped up in his arms and held against his broad chest is exactly what her body and mind needs. Part of her recognizes that she has been touch starved for such a long period of time that only days of this treatment can reverse years of psychological and emotional trauma. Those are not bags she is ready to unpack yet. 

Perhaps in the fields of sleep they will meet and everything on the tip of her tongue will be spoken and understood by him. Her subconscious can explain that if seeing his ex-girlfriend full and pregnant with his child is what he wants—what makes him happy—then he can make them both happy and knock her up once she gets off her birth control. 

Rey imagines that in a perfect world dreams can do that, but when she woke up this morning it wasn't anywhere close to being perfect.


End file.
